Why do I feel worried and guilty after I spoke my mind to a person?

How do I move on and not be stressed about the situation?

This is a good question. I used to grapple a lot with this, and I think many people struggle with guilt and worries related to how their words are being received by others.

My experience is that this boils down to poor self-esteem. If we are worried about what other people think about us, if it’s important to us that we are liked and that we don’t make it difficult for others, it usually indicates low self-worth. People with low self-worth often prioritize others’ happiness or satisfaction over their own needs.

One could argue that such behavior demonstrates empathy and solidarity with others; however, I would argue that it’s actually a self-centered behavior, which is problematic not only for the individual exhibiting it but also for others.

When our primary focus is ensuring the happiness of others, our mental energy becomes consumed by this endeavor. We will always worry about this, and it will stop us from being authentic with ourselves and with others. In doing so, we subject ourselves to considerable suffering and become vulnerable to being taken advantage of.

Moreover, those whom we aim to please do not benefit from our self-sacrificing behavior; instead, it only perpetuates imbalance within them. By avoiding telling them when they make mistakes or if their behavior is hurtful, we deny them the chance to reflect on themselves and change their behavior.

You mentioned that you wonder why you feel worried and guilty. I would suggest that there could be two main reasons:

One reason could be that you didn’t receive enough attention from your parents in childhood, or that their attention was contingent upon your behavior or performance.

Another reason could be that you have inherited this particular character trait from one or both of your parents. Consider how your parents interacted with others. Were they honest when interacting with others, or did they avoid conflict at all costs?